Children: You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next 16 years telling them to sit down and shut-up.
The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
What has four legs and an arm? A happy pit bull.
First things first, but not necessarily in that order.
My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you’re ugly too.
My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I am right.
Hospitality: making your guests feel like they’re at home, even if you wish they were.
To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.
I didn’t fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian
I took a course in speed waiting. Now I can wait an hour in only ten minutes.
I was reading the dictionary, I thought it was a poem about everything.
